the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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