i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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