Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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