Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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