she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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