Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
