Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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