its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
