please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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