Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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