So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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