the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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