My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
