we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize