Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
