I wish I could teleport
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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