i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
