Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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