i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
