Can i not drive my cunt home
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
