I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
