ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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