Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
