My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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