I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
