Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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