Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
