just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
