Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
