You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
