There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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