I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
