I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
