I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
