just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize