operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
