At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How does it feel to date your dad?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
