How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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