I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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