Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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