dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
