mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
