I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
whose parrot is this?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
