I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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