Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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