would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
