I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
