would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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