Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
