I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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