i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize