I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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