omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
