I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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