My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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