i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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