Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
