Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
