Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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