The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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