the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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