The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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