i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Still dying that you shit outside
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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