If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
