In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
