Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
