Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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