we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
