Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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