Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
