Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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