The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
