i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
