I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
