Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
