I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just had sex on a roof
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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