There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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