I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
