I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
