My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
