When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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