So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize