i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize