im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
