Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
