Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she looked like the before picture.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
