If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
